The Butterfly Effect
by PrehistoricCat
Summary: "What's worse is knowing how it's supposed to be; being the only one that remembers." ... Connor returns from Vancouver and reflects on what he's lost. Please read the warning.


**Warning: This is set post series finale of Primeval: New World. No major spoilers for that, but I do refer to a conversation Connor has with Mac - if you haven't seen the finale yet and you're avoiding all spoilers you may wish to avoid reading.**

**Also, this contains character "death" (of sorts)**

**If you're sticking with this after that intro... LOL ... enjoy ;)**

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"_What's worse is knowing how it's supposed to be; being the only one that remembers." _

The words echoed around his head repeatedly, hitting him exactly where it hurt the most. He'd spent the last two years trying to get on with his life, just like he'd told Mac to do, but being confronted with a situation very similar to his own had thrust him right back to that fateful day when it had all changed.

The key felt heavy in his hand as he turned it in the lock, the stairs up to the first floor flat felt like climbing a mountain and the open space of the living area felt like a huge empty cavern. It had been a long time since he'd felt like this. Clearly he hadn't moved on as well as he'd thought he had.

Taking a bottle of beer from the fridge, he slumped on the sofa and closed his eyes. It was just like it had all happened yesterday...

… He had taken a risk by going back through the anomaly, but he'd dropped one of his gloves and he knew he couldn't just leave it behind. Abby called after him, telling him to hurry because it looked like the anomaly was weakening. If he'd known it would be the last time he'd hear her voice, he wouldn't have been so annoyed with her for stating the obvious.

The team had all gone when he came back through. "Guys, OK you've had your joke. I know I shouldn't have gone back but.. come on!" There was no-one in sight, not even the sleek, black vehicles that they'd arrived at the anomaly site in. As the anomaly began to fade behind him, he pulled out his mobile phone to call Abby and tell her this joke wasn't funny any more. He tried to dial her number but it wouldn't connect. After three failed attempts, he tried Matt's number, and then Becker's. All failed.

"Jess? Are there problems with the mobile phone networks?" He waited for a response, but the earpiece simply crackled. Trying to remain calm, Connor began to make his way back towards the road hoping he would either see the team waiting for him with stupid grins on their faces, or be able to flag a car down and get a lift into town.

"You came through the portal, didn't you?" A voice said. Connor spun around and came face to face with a young man, probably no more than 19 years old with a thick crop of ginger hair that hadn't seen a comb in days.

"I don't know what you mean," Connor responded, turning away and striding more purposefully towards the road. The man came after him, and Connor tried to shrug him away.

"I've been watching them for the last three months, ever since that day they were on the news. The officials said they were just freak thunderstorms and that they wouldn't occur again, but I know better and so do you."

"I don't suppose you saw which way my friends went, did you?" Connor tried to change the topic of discussion.

"There wasn't anyone else here. I was the only one until you came through."

Suddenly it hit Connor; a sense of complete fear and dread. He knew what had happened. Completely ignoring the ginger haired youth, he ran towards the road, struggling to breathe and blinking back the tears in his eyes. This was surely just a nightmare; he was no stranger to those, and he'd wake up any minute in Abby's comforting arms as she mopped the sweat from his brow.

Three cars almost ran him over before one stopped and the driver took pity on him, thinking there'd been an accident and Connor was trying to get help. Twenty minutes later, he was stood staring at a shopping mall which was standing on the very site where the ARC should be.

There was just one final shred of hope. He could cope with the fact the ARC wasn't there. He could even cope with the fact that Matt, Becker, Lester could be gone... but perhaps Abby was still here and a part of his life. He somehow managed to find his way to the flat they'd bought together only two months previously and breathed a sigh of relief when his key fitted the lock and he could go inside.

It was the final nail in the coffin. The flat he'd left this morning was a happy living space, still slightly chaotic because they were in the middle of decorating it to their taste, but it was theirs and was welcoming and safe. The space he found himself in now felt empty, lifeless. Still not quite wanting to accept what had happened, Connor rushed around the flat trying to find even the tiniest of traces that Abby existed. There should have been a photo on the coffee table that Jess had taken of them on their official engagement day and had framed for them, and there should have been an oil painting propped against the back wall waiting for Abby to take into town to get a proper frame for it. The shelves were full of books on Palaeontology, pre-History, Archaeology, conspiracy theories and weird sightings. It was definitely _his_ place, but there was nothing that said 'Abby'.

He'd done something when he'd gone back to retrieve his glove – maybe he'd stepped on a bug or perhaps his glove was meant to be there and had formed an integral part of some creature's nest. A simple act had changed his timeline, just as Cutter had done four years previously, except this was worse. His entire world had come crashing down around him; he didn't recognise any of it nor did he want to. If Abby wasn't here, then he didn't want to be either.

Everything seemed to go dark as Connor shut off everything and lost himself in his grief.

-o-

"_There's no going back."_

Three days had passed before Connor emerged back into the world he hated. A need for food finally got the better of him, and as he made himself a toasted cheese sandwich he decided that perhaps all was not lost. It seemed in this timeline he'd followed the original path he'd set out on when he started at University. He'd found a security pass and ID card that suggested he worked at the local Natural History museum. He had managed to raise a small smile; at least that was a job he could tell people about, and one his mum would be proud of. He figured if he'd gone down that route, then maybe Abby had stayed on her original path too.

He'd hoped to find her listed on the staff at Wellington zoo, but she wasn't. Other zoos drew blanks too, as did local colleges and universities. He'd even tried local veterinary practises, wondering if maybe she'd actually gone back to her studies and taken the course she'd talked about doing whilst they were stranded in the Cretaceous. His final search for Abby was at the bottom of several bottles of beer before he slumped back into the void he'd existed in for the three previous days.

It was the insistent ringing of his doorbell that dragged him back again. He tried to ignore it, not wanting anything to do with this world, but it kept ringing and ringing. "OK! OK! I hear you!" he called out, wearily making his way down the stairs to the door. Standing on the step was the ginger haired youth that had been at the anomaly.

"Go away!" Connor snarled.

"You did come through that portal, and you know all about them. I need your help."

Connor saw something in the young man's eyes that he recognised and it scared him. It could almost be himself standing there; the Connor Temple of four years ago that had stood in the Forest of Dean watching a Gorgonopsid lumber through that first anomaly.

"You're wasting your time!" he snapped. "Those things are dangerous. You should just walk away from them whilst you have the chance."

"Don't give me that!" The guy responded. "At least come and take a look at this one with me."

Against his better judgement, Connor grabbed his jacket and followed. It seemed the pull of the anomalies was too strong. "Who are you?" he called after the young man who was almost running down the street.

"Jake."

"Connor. Good to meet you. Now, where are we going?"

The anomaly was in a disused wrecking yard. Jake stood staring at it in awe, but all Connor felt was sick. The anomalies had ruined his life, taken everything from him that had mattered. He half expected to see a group of soldiers show up, but they were the only ones there. Was there really no-one monitoring these things here? Was that a good or bad thing?

"How many of these things have you been through?" Jake asked.

"Lost count," Connor muttered.

"And they lead to ancient worlds? And the future?"

Connor could only nod sadly. His entire body ached. Why was he doing this to himself? He should just walk away now before he lost more, but the longer he stayed the clearer it all was. He could recall a conversation he'd had with Professor Cutter once. They'd debated whether Cutter had jumped into an alternate timeline and Claudia Brown still existed in another, or if there was only ever one timeline and it changed and shifted as people interfered with the past. They'd concluded that if there were other parallel timelines and the anomalies could connect them, they'd have met other versions of themselves by now.

"We should be setting up missions to go through these!" Jake exclaimed. "There's endless resources we should be tapping into. Maybe we could even find a cure for diseases like Cancer in future worlds!"

A cure for Cancer? That was a new one on Connor, but it was effectively what Burton had been trying to do with New Dawn – using the anomalies to make things better but inevitably it would lead to disaster on a catastrophic scale. Whilst Connor knew he would never be able to bring his Abby back again, it seemed that everything had been re-set for him. He had a second chance to do it properly this time; to make sure that no-one else would suffer the same heartache that he and Cutter had. They'd been doing it all wrong. It wasn't about trying to control or predict the anomalies, it wasn't about working out how to stop them either. It was about monitoring them, making sure that whatever came through accidentally was put back where it belonged and ensuring that no-one tried to take advantage of them.

Connor's new ARC was born that afternoon. Over the following months, he rebuilt a detector and locking device and gathered together a small team that he trained. They knew his story and respected that he knew what he was talking about. Connor was confident that this time they'd got it right.

"_It could drive you crazy."_

Connor moved out of the flat; it was just too painful being in the place that he believed was his and Abby's. He only had one photo of her, a passport photo that he'd kept in his wallet, so he'd had several copies of it made in case something happened to one of them. Over time, he thought that perhaps his memories of his other life would begin to fade, and that would be how he'd heal. He vowed that he'd never forget Abby, that he'd never allow his memory of her to disappear. He wondered if she'd simply just ceased to exist and would not have known any pain or sense of loss. That was what he hoped, he couldn't stand the thought that she would have suffered the way he was.

One morning, about 14 months after that terrible day, the team encountered an injured Iguanadon. Without thinking, Connor called Wellington zoo asking for a reptile expert with veterinary experience to help them out. It was only afterwards that he realised what he'd done. They were sending over their head keeper from the reptile reception centre, Holly Kavanagh.

Connor had his back to her when she first arrived on site. Jake greeted her and was chatting to her as they walked towards the injured creature. Connor's heart skipped a beat. He'd know that voice anywhere. Hardly daring to look, he turned to look at the new arrival. It was impossible, and he gasped for air, his stomach lurching and twisting. Now he knew exactly how the Professor had felt the first time he'd set eyes on Jenny Lewis. Holly Kavanagh was the spitting image of Abby. Her long, white blonde hair was pulled back into a no-nonsense ponytail and she wore simple but classy jeans and t-shirt.

She barely acknowledged him, just shook his hand when introduced then set about seeing to the wound that the creature had sustained. Connor tried not to stare and kept a distance, but couldn't help watching her work. It could be Abby crouched over the creature and Connor hurt more than he had in months. After she'd gone, he told the team that she was not to be involved again, but Holly wouldn't stay away. She'd been intrigued how they had found that creature and wanted to know more.

Connor had to admit that the team needed her knowledge, but he kept his distance when she was around. He had an ache in his heart when he saw her, he wanted to hold her and have her hold him but he pushed that thought away. He was mistaking her for Abby, that was why he felt that way, and besides, falling for another woman would be like cheating on Abby. It was better all round if he left her to get on with her work whilst he got on with his.

-o-

"Connor?"

He was jerked back to the present by the familiar and comforting voice. He looked up and smiled. "Sorry, love. How long have you been back?"

"A few minutes. I was worried. Doctor Greene said he'd been trying to call you, and you didn't answer when I called either."

Connor picked up his mobile – 5 missed calls. He really had been lost in his own mind after today's events. "What did Dr Greene want?"

"He said to let you know that Kieron is going to be OK. His leg should heal fine, but he'll be out of action for a few weeks. What happened? Must have been pretty bad for it to have shaken you like this." She sat beside him and took his hand. "Want to talk about it"

"Creature incursion," Connor said simply. "Kieron got too close to the anomaly. I had to go in after him."

"And?"

"There were others there. I met people whose timelines had changed because of the actions of others." He sighed and gripped his wife's hand tighter.

"It made you think about her, didn't it? You've been thinking about Abby?"

"I'm sorry, Holly. It doesn't mean that I don't..."

"Shush now. I told you, I understand." Holly leaned in and kissed Connor softly on the lips. "You loved her and she was a huge part of what made you the man you are now, but you also have to stop beating yourself up for allowing yourself to move on. She would've wanted you to be happy."

"I know." Connor closed his eyes. Holly had pursued him for months and he'd continually pushed her away. They argued, screaming and yelling at each other, until late one night she came to his flat to have it out with him once and for all, demanding to know what his problem with her was. He let it all out, told her about Abby and how she was exactly like her. He'd broken down in tears and let Holly comfort him, and for the first time he made love to someone that wasn't Abby.

Holly stood up, tugging Connor's hand and he opened his eyes, looking up into her blue-eyed gaze. "You are doing an amazing job. Whatever you did today, you helped someone. That's huge. It's why I fell for you, Connor Temple, you're not interested in what you can gain from those things. Come on, I know exactly what you need to get some perspective back."

As he followed Holly towards their bedroom, Connor pulled himself back together. He'd said to Ange Finch that he needed to get back to his wife. He was here, she was here and he could allow himself to be happy. That was the perspective he needed to keep doing what he was meant to do.


End file.
